What We Accept.

"You accept what you think you deserve."

Why do we accept the things that we do? Why do we let things that are not good for us come into our lives? I don't know the answer either. I don't think anyone will be able to come up with an answer except for the favorite reply, "It's just human nature." But why? Why is this human nature? Why put ourselves through something that is neither beneficial or enjoyable to endure? I feel that its not a matter of believing we don't deserve better, I think that it is a matter of believing that this is the best option for ourselves and we pull the wool over our own eyes. We make ourselves believe that there isn't anything better out there in this world. We believe that this is just how it is going to be and we think nothing of it. My advice to anyone who has sat back and thought to themselves, "what am I doing, why am I here?" reevaluate whatever is going on in your life and see how much you have changed for this thing. Think of the person who you were before this thing came into your life. Would that person be proud of the person that you have become? Are you truly happy of the person you see right now in front of you? No? Then do something about it. It's never too late to take control of your life. I have seen people go through something for years upon years and finally one day they just decide that they are done. They are not going to go on like this anymore. It may be a cliché but life is way too short to not enjoy it. It may not be easy at first, but don't you want to sit back one day and be happy that you made the decision to take your life back? You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. Do whatever it is you need to do to get back to you. Back to the person you were before. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be you.

Dear Life, I Shoot Whiskey Not Lemonade

We are always told, " When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." 

I know life is not easy, I know it probably never will be. But I'm not asking for easy, or fair for that matter, I'm asking for life to stop kicking me while I'm down. Heck I'm not asking anymore, I'm demanding. I am so sick and tired of one bad thing after the next being thrown in my face and shoved down my throat. Yes I am thankful for all the things that I have and I know that there are people who are suffering more than me, but that doesn't mean that what I have to watch myself and my family endure doesn't matter. 

Why do I have to accept the lemons and try to make something of them? I won't accept mediocre anymore. So Life I'm telling you take your lemons back and make your own darn lemonade. From here on out I won't sit back sipping on lemonade, I'm going to take a shot of whiskey and let it burn the whole way down, taking my life back into my own hands. 

To My Future Children

I know you do not know me and I do not know you, yet. But I write to you now because one day I want you to read this and understand why I decided to write this to you at this point in time. I am only nineteen, and I no I am not pregnant or planning on becoming pregnant for awhile, but I feel the need to write to you now. I have a pretty good idea who your father is going to be, yes I know life can change that in a quick minute, but for five and half years I have been in love with him and I know I will be for the rest of my life. That is who I would like to tell you about today, your father.

To my sons,
Know just how blessed you are to have such an intelligent, well rounded father. He will not only teach you how to be a man, but will do so in a way that you will forever charish every last piece of advice that came from his big heart. To you he will know everything about anything that has a motor in it, he will have some of the best advice on girls, it worked for me, and amongst many other great things he will show you how to hunt, as will I.  He will expect nothing but the best from you, but will also pick you up when you fall. His reprimands may seem unfair to you at the time, but realize he only does it out of pure love. Know that he will always be there with open arms and a kiss no matter your age. He will instill in you the virtue of prayer, as will I.he will accept you for who you want to be and support you every step of the way. He will truly  show you what being a man is all about. Never take him for granted. He is a blessing that most children yearn for in their fathers, but they will never be able to experience someone like him in their lives.

To my daughters,
You hold a special place in your father's heart. Your brothers do also, but in a different manner. He will treat you in a way that will give you high expectations for any man that comes to like you. To him you could do no wrong, but he will also make sure you do not do any wrong. He will treat you like a princess, to which I will make sure you never take for granted. He will spoil you with love, such as hugs and kisses. I never was able to experience a father that I know he will be to you and from my heart I hope you truly appreciate  him. Most women like myself wanted the father that you will have, but alas it was not in their cards. Always remember how blessed you are to have him. He will teach you how to be self sufficient as he will with your brothers. Teaching  motors and hunting won't just be for your brothers, he will make sure you know these things also. He will instill the virtue of prayer in you as he will with your brothers. He will support any decision you make and will help you along your journey. Always know he does the things he does with love in his heart and your best interest in his mind. He will make sure you are always taken care of, no matter your age. Let him shower you with love even if your at the age where it embarrasses you. Embrace his overprotective nature, knowing he simply just cares. As I have told your brothers, do not take him for granted and always know he will be the father most people will never get to experience.

I hope that when you read this you fondly agree with the way I have described him. He will always love and cherish you. Love him back as much as he loves you. And I say this again, never ever take him for granted.

Just Start

We all have dreams and aspirations at some point in our lives and there comes a point when those dreams and aspirations transform into a serious goal you have set for yourself. So now you have sat down, came up with a plan, and you're going to execute it. Wait, what if it doesn't work? What if you look stupid? What if its too late to start dreaming? These are the few questions we ask ourselves when we are on the verge of taking a leap of faith. I know how you're feeling, I've been there, heck I'm there right now. The biggest thing we battle when carrying out our desires is the fear we create for ourselves. What you need to do is push past the doubt and the worry and go for it! You're never going to know what will happen unless you try, I know its a cliché, but it's true. There is always a good time to start something, you just have to start it. What have you got to lose? If you fail try again, take a different approach, improve it! There is no better way to do something than to just start

Underwater dive

I never knew just how beautiful things were under the water until today. I decided to appease my inner tourist and go for the deal the professional diver had to offer. The boat cut the waves like a knife, but they would retort back and buck the bow causing a powerful jolt. Finally the diver was satisfied in our whereabouts and pulled the boat perpendicular to this bony looking structure poking it's way through the Atlantic's surface. With our gear securely tied and plastered to our bodies we took the plunge. I could feel the coolness of the water encase my body. I delayed letting my eyelids open, for fear of landing in on a family of sharks. Once they slowly broke their tight seal and creeped open I found myself in a world full of a beautiful array of colors. Not even a rainbow over a colorful sunset could hold a candle to the colors I seen before me. Mezmorized in the beauty I failed to notice all the little creatures that had began to find me interesting. Playful seahorses swam circles around me trying to tempt my inner child, clown fish swam in and out of the anemones playing peek a boo, and small schools of topically colored fish played tag in and out of the playhouse the coral reef had to offer. I mimicked the fish and swam through, around, over, and under the structure of the coral reef twirling in amazement. This place was something of pure bliss, something that the world had left untouched allowing it's natural beauty to shine through. Gazing all around a sense of purpose washed over me, leaving me feeling satisfied with my life. There was no better way to see the world's colors than the way I was then. This experience left me with the addiction to live life to the fullest and explore all the treasures this world has to offer.

Sky Painter

I have the most wonderful career in all the world. On top of that I have fulfilled my mother's dream. 

I let my fingers slip under the special made, woven fabric flap that held in my tool. The beautiful handcrafted paintbrush slid into my hand, perfectly fitting in my grasp. I noticed that my initials are engrained in the richly stained wood. With the very tip of my finger, running along the top, I felt the soft yet sturdy bristles bend and quickly snap back into place. I was only told to create a masterpiece that would take their breath away. I searched below me, through the recently fluffed clouds, to see my mother, alongside my siblings, my loving boyfriend and other friends and family, crying over my loss.

Before ascending to the sky, I was allowed to stay with them for a moment longer. I stood among them but not with them. I was an invisible bystander placing my hand on my loved ones shoulders, quietly whispering in their ears that I was in a much better place now. Before God beckoned to me, I placed myself in front of my grieving mother to gaze into her reddened hazel eyes. I wrapped myself around her and I could feel her give into me, knowing I was there. Pulling away from her I watched as her eyes shot up from the decorated casket, searching for me. I wiped a single tear from her flushed cheeks, holding her face one last time   before letting the beam of light pull me away. 

God knew that even though I was taken from Earth to be with him, I was not done dreaming. He had said he kept this job special for me. With a broad smile he asked for me to hand him back the paintbrush. Gingerly I handed it back to him, not wanting to let go of my new treasure. He ran his callused fingers softly down the handle making it glow. Just below my initials were feshly burnt words that read, "The Sky Painter." I proudly accepted my new tool back, figuratively signing the career contract God had laid before me.  With my eyebrow raised and confusion showing in my expressions he told me, " let your imagination be the paint and let the brush do the work."  I let a smile come across my face letting him know that I understood what he had meant.  

Sitting upon a small cloud I waited for the right moment to catch the attention of all that survived me down below. With a wisp through my hair I turned to see God motion me forward, instructing me to begin. Kicking my feet as the cloud moved with the breeze, I touched my tool to the sky in front of me making it dance beneath my bristles. The clouds puffed and swirled around me, tickling my face.  I knew I had to let my mother know I have assumed the postion she had always talked about. I sculpted clouds that jet puffed across the sky, I let little holes pop up here and there to allow beams of light from the sun warm my mother's face, and I let all the colors from my imagination stream into my paintbrush. I placed the sun above the horizon, allowing it to change the blue skies to crimson, peach, magenta, and violet hues, perfectly blending into one another. My body laid to rest on the crest of a hill that over looked the salt kissed eastern coast, so I let the sun meet the waves as if they were fused together. I made the direct sunlight call to my mother bringing her to the beach to view my artwork.  With a few more tweaks and broad brush strokes I was finished with my mother's painting. With a quick flight I was by her side sitting in the sand with my head on her slumped shoulder. She brought her hand to my face knowing  I was there and knowing that I had created this sunset with her in mind. I stayed with her until God called for me. With my lips pressed to her forehead, I held on for one more second as she brought her hand up reaching for me.  My wings began to take flight and I squeezed her weakened hand one last time. The sand sprinkled from my toes as I made my way to the clouds. I took my place by God to admire my work, sitting right next to him. We let our feet dangle over the edge of the cloud, blissfully enjoying the sight as midnight began to take over my masterpiece. 

The Typewriter and the Sand

 

 

One year ago today I took the leap of faith. It was always there, trailing all my actions, forever waiting for the right moment to pounce. I finally let go and looked to the sky giving God the okay to lead me to where he intended I travel. My doubts and uncertainties stepped down letting my hopes and aspirations take their place. My heart looked my brain in the eye letting it know my heart was making the decisions now. Knowing what was to happen next was something I knew not of, the only thing that was certain was knowing I wasn't accepting mediocre anymore. I believed what society wanted me to conform to, I believed that dreaming was for the ones who had opportunity. At that moment in time when my beliefs were thrown to the wind, I made my own opportunities. So now I gaze at the waves before me reminiscing about that day I decided to go coastal, writing about whatever my heart wished and making a living from it.