What We Accept.

"You accept what you think you deserve."

Why do we accept the things that we do? Why do we let things that are not good for us come into our lives? I don't know the answer either. I don't think anyone will be able to come up with an answer except for the favorite reply, "It's just human nature." But why? Why is this human nature? Why put ourselves through something that is neither beneficial or enjoyable to endure? I feel that its not a matter of believing we don't deserve better, I think that it is a matter of believing that this is the best option for ourselves and we pull the wool over our own eyes. We make ourselves believe that there isn't anything better out there in this world. We believe that this is just how it is going to be and we think nothing of it. My advice to anyone who has sat back and thought to themselves, "what am I doing, why am I here?" reevaluate whatever is going on in your life and see how much you have changed for this thing. Think of the person who you were before this thing came into your life. Would that person be proud of the person that you have become? Are you truly happy of the person you see right now in front of you? No? Then do something about it. It's never too late to take control of your life. I have seen people go through something for years upon years and finally one day they just decide that they are done. They are not going to go on like this anymore. It may be a cliché but life is way too short to not enjoy it. It may not be easy at first, but don't you want to sit back one day and be happy that you made the decision to take your life back? You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for. Do whatever it is you need to do to get back to you. Back to the person you were before. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be you.

Dear Life, I Shoot Whiskey Not Lemonade

We are always told, " When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." 

I know life is not easy, I know it probably never will be. But I'm not asking for easy, or fair for that matter, I'm asking for life to stop kicking me while I'm down. Heck I'm not asking anymore, I'm demanding. I am so sick and tired of one bad thing after the next being thrown in my face and shoved down my throat. Yes I am thankful for all the things that I have and I know that there are people who are suffering more than me, but that doesn't mean that what I have to watch myself and my family endure doesn't matter. 

Why do I have to accept the lemons and try to make something of them? I won't accept mediocre anymore. So Life I'm telling you take your lemons back and make your own darn lemonade. From here on out I won't sit back sipping on lemonade, I'm going to take a shot of whiskey and let it burn the whole way down, taking my life back into my own hands. 

To My Future Children

I know you do not know me and I do not know you, yet. But I write to you now because one day I want you to read this and understand why I decided to write this to you at this point in time. I am only nineteen, and I no I am not pregnant or planning on becoming pregnant for awhile, but I feel the need to write to you now. I have a pretty good idea who your father is going to be, yes I know life can change that in a quick minute, but for five and half years I have been in love with him and I know I will be for the rest of my life. That is who I would like to tell you about today, your father.

To my sons,
Know just how blessed you are to have such an intelligent, well rounded father. He will not only teach you how to be a man, but will do so in a way that you will forever charish every last piece of advice that came from his big heart. To you he will know everything about anything that has a motor in it, he will have some of the best advice on girls, it worked for me, and amongst many other great things he will show you how to hunt, as will I.  He will expect nothing but the best from you, but will also pick you up when you fall. His reprimands may seem unfair to you at the time, but realize he only does it out of pure love. Know that he will always be there with open arms and a kiss no matter your age. He will instill in you the virtue of prayer, as will I.he will accept you for who you want to be and support you every step of the way. He will truly  show you what being a man is all about. Never take him for granted. He is a blessing that most children yearn for in their fathers, but they will never be able to experience someone like him in their lives.

To my daughters,
You hold a special place in your father's heart. Your brothers do also, but in a different manner. He will treat you in a way that will give you high expectations for any man that comes to like you. To him you could do no wrong, but he will also make sure you do not do any wrong. He will treat you like a princess, to which I will make sure you never take for granted. He will spoil you with love, such as hugs and kisses. I never was able to experience a father that I know he will be to you and from my heart I hope you truly appreciate  him. Most women like myself wanted the father that you will have, but alas it was not in their cards. Always remember how blessed you are to have him. He will teach you how to be self sufficient as he will with your brothers. Teaching  motors and hunting won't just be for your brothers, he will make sure you know these things also. He will instill the virtue of prayer in you as he will with your brothers. He will support any decision you make and will help you along your journey. Always know he does the things he does with love in his heart and your best interest in his mind. He will make sure you are always taken care of, no matter your age. Let him shower you with love even if your at the age where it embarrasses you. Embrace his overprotective nature, knowing he simply just cares. As I have told your brothers, do not take him for granted and always know he will be the father most people will never get to experience.

I hope that when you read this you fondly agree with the way I have described him. He will always love and cherish you. Love him back as much as he loves you. And I say this again, never ever take him for granted.

Just Start

We all have dreams and aspirations at some point in our lives and there comes a point when those dreams and aspirations transform into a serious goal you have set for yourself. So now you have sat down, came up with a plan, and you're going to execute it. Wait, what if it doesn't work? What if you look stupid? What if its too late to start dreaming? These are the few questions we ask ourselves when we are on the verge of taking a leap of faith. I know how you're feeling, I've been there, heck I'm there right now. The biggest thing we battle when carrying out our desires is the fear we create for ourselves. What you need to do is push past the doubt and the worry and go for it! You're never going to know what will happen unless you try, I know its a cliché, but it's true. There is always a good time to start something, you just have to start it. What have you got to lose? If you fail try again, take a different approach, improve it! There is no better way to do something than to just start

Underwater dive

I never knew just how beautiful things were under the water until today. I decided to appease my inner tourist and go for the deal the professional diver had to offer. The boat cut the waves like a knife, but they would retort back and buck the bow causing a powerful jolt. Finally the diver was satisfied in our whereabouts and pulled the boat perpendicular to this bony looking structure poking it's way through the Atlantic's surface. With our gear securely tied and plastered to our bodies we took the plunge. I could feel the coolness of the water encase my body. I delayed letting my eyelids open, for fear of landing in on a family of sharks. Once they slowly broke their tight seal and creeped open I found myself in a world full of a beautiful array of colors. Not even a rainbow over a colorful sunset could hold a candle to the colors I seen before me. Mezmorized in the beauty I failed to notice all the little creatures that had began to find me interesting. Playful seahorses swam circles around me trying to tempt my inner child, clown fish swam in and out of the anemones playing peek a boo, and small schools of topically colored fish played tag in and out of the playhouse the coral reef had to offer. I mimicked the fish and swam through, around, over, and under the structure of the coral reef twirling in amazement. This place was something of pure bliss, something that the world had left untouched allowing it's natural beauty to shine through. Gazing all around a sense of purpose washed over me, leaving me feeling satisfied with my life. There was no better way to see the world's colors than the way I was then. This experience left me with the addiction to live life to the fullest and explore all the treasures this world has to offer.

Sky Painter

I have the most wonderful career in all the world. On top of that I have fulfilled my mother's dream. 

I let my fingers slip under the special made, woven fabric flap that held in my tool. The beautiful handcrafted paintbrush slid into my hand, perfectly fitting in my grasp. I noticed that my initials are engrained in the richly stained wood. With the very tip of my finger, running along the top, I felt the soft yet sturdy bristles bend and quickly snap back into place. I was only told to create a masterpiece that would take their breath away. I searched below me, through the recently fluffed clouds, to see my mother, alongside my siblings, my loving boyfriend and other friends and family, crying over my loss.

Before ascending to the sky, I was allowed to stay with them for a moment longer. I stood among them but not with them. I was an invisible bystander placing my hand on my loved ones shoulders, quietly whispering in their ears that I was in a much better place now. Before God beckoned to me, I placed myself in front of my grieving mother to gaze into her reddened hazel eyes. I wrapped myself around her and I could feel her give into me, knowing I was there. Pulling away from her I watched as her eyes shot up from the decorated casket, searching for me. I wiped a single tear from her flushed cheeks, holding her face one last time   before letting the beam of light pull me away. 

God knew that even though I was taken from Earth to be with him, I was not done dreaming. He had said he kept this job special for me. With a broad smile he asked for me to hand him back the paintbrush. Gingerly I handed it back to him, not wanting to let go of my new treasure. He ran his callused fingers softly down the handle making it glow. Just below my initials were feshly burnt words that read, "The Sky Painter." I proudly accepted my new tool back, figuratively signing the career contract God had laid before me.  With my eyebrow raised and confusion showing in my expressions he told me, " let your imagination be the paint and let the brush do the work."  I let a smile come across my face letting him know that I understood what he had meant.  

Sitting upon a small cloud I waited for the right moment to catch the attention of all that survived me down below. With a wisp through my hair I turned to see God motion me forward, instructing me to begin. Kicking my feet as the cloud moved with the breeze, I touched my tool to the sky in front of me making it dance beneath my bristles. The clouds puffed and swirled around me, tickling my face.  I knew I had to let my mother know I have assumed the postion she had always talked about. I sculpted clouds that jet puffed across the sky, I let little holes pop up here and there to allow beams of light from the sun warm my mother's face, and I let all the colors from my imagination stream into my paintbrush. I placed the sun above the horizon, allowing it to change the blue skies to crimson, peach, magenta, and violet hues, perfectly blending into one another. My body laid to rest on the crest of a hill that over looked the salt kissed eastern coast, so I let the sun meet the waves as if they were fused together. I made the direct sunlight call to my mother bringing her to the beach to view my artwork.  With a few more tweaks and broad brush strokes I was finished with my mother's painting. With a quick flight I was by her side sitting in the sand with my head on her slumped shoulder. She brought her hand to my face knowing  I was there and knowing that I had created this sunset with her in mind. I stayed with her until God called for me. With my lips pressed to her forehead, I held on for one more second as she brought her hand up reaching for me.  My wings began to take flight and I squeezed her weakened hand one last time. The sand sprinkled from my toes as I made my way to the clouds. I took my place by God to admire my work, sitting right next to him. We let our feet dangle over the edge of the cloud, blissfully enjoying the sight as midnight began to take over my masterpiece. 

The Typewriter and the Sand

 

 

One year ago today I took the leap of faith. It was always there, trailing all my actions, forever waiting for the right moment to pounce. I finally let go and looked to the sky giving God the okay to lead me to where he intended I travel. My doubts and uncertainties stepped down letting my hopes and aspirations take their place. My heart looked my brain in the eye letting it know my heart was making the decisions now. Knowing what was to happen next was something I knew not of, the only thing that was certain was knowing I wasn't accepting mediocre anymore. I believed what society wanted me to conform to, I believed that dreaming was for the ones who had opportunity. At that moment in time when my beliefs were thrown to the wind, I made my own opportunities. So now I gaze at the waves before me reminiscing about that day I decided to go coastal, writing about whatever my heart wished and making a living from it.

Hunting for Women

In my opinion hunting among women of all ages has become increasingly popular, but why are we still looked down upon for hunting. I am almost twenty and have been hunting for almost fifteen years and yet even though I have been an avid hunter for such a long time, I still feel as if people look down on me for doing so. Let me tell you something, I do not hunt because it is a trend, I do not hunt because it turns guys on, I do not hunt because my boyfriend wants me to. I hunt because I WANT to. I enjoy it, plain and simple. I understand that you don't like hunting, that's fine, but don't look down on me because I do, and especially don't look down on me because I am a woman that does. I have never pushed hunting upon other women and I don't expect you to push your opinions on me. The thing that gets me the most is when women look down upon other women for hunting. As women we fought for our right to be treated as equal as men and yet we turn around and ridicule other women for hunting, which is allegedly a man's world. We have bigger things to worry about. As a woman hunter I will never apologize for hunting, I am proud of my accomplishments.

The Sandy Wedding

Tears of joy sparkled in her mothers eyes. It's was almost time to open a new chapter of her life with the man she loved by her side. Beginning as a small spark, their love for one another kindled into a burning fire. Today was the day they took eachother hand in hand vowing their lives to one another. She was dressed in a lace embellished gown that stopped itself short above her tanned knees. Jeweled barefoot sandals were the only thing that outlined her feet. In her sun kissed curls hung a small blue beret that held up a cascading veil, which lied itself around her broad feminine shoulders and continued to the small of her back. With just the right intricacies, the hand sewn veil let her elegant simplicity shine through. She stood in front of the open window, letting the salty air sweep over her. She turned gazing at herself in the mirror, she could see a strong beautiful young woman staring back at her. The bountiful sunlight that streamed through the curtains gave her features an almost iridescent appeal. Lost in a wonderful daydream she almost didn't hear her mother telling her it was time. The sun began to set turning the sky all sort of crimsons and oranges with a touch of peach hues. Stepping outside, anticipation came over her body, making her want to sprint to the alter. When the alter came into sight her ocean blue eyes met with his golden-green, hazel eyes. She could see, even from afar, the genuine love that he had for her. He let the sight of her wash over him like a summer rain. He had never seen her so beautiful in all of their years together. After what had seemed like a life time for the both of them, she made it to the shell encrusted alter with grace and poise. They happily announced their, "I do's," and let their lips come together in a celebratory manner. They pulled away from one another and let vibrant smiles come across their faces. They never wanted to leave that blissful moment.

The Healing

This time life had got the best of her. She couldn't take all of the turmoil that was thrown at her in all directions. She looked at him with tears streaming down her face and said, "I have to." He knew what she had meant. She needed to get away. She would break before she even got her hands on the laptop to make the reservation. He knew he wasn't able to heal her this time and he knew the only thing that could was the salty air of the eastern coast. He got her packed and made the reservation. Handing her the barely used credit card, he looked into her reddened eyes and wanted nothing more than to have the pain removed from the beautiful blue eyes that stared blankly back at him. Half heartedly she let her lips come to his and let herself get wrapped in the arms that soothed her for years. With that and a small wave she was out of the driveway and on her long journey. She made it down to the ocean kissed shore in record time. The rain had started just outside of her home state and continued down here. She didn't mind though, like the ocean she was cleansing herself. After settling in she walked the desolate beach and let the rain sweep over her. She sat memorized in the beauty the rain had brought with it. She let the tantalizing drops make contact with her skin making every hair stand erect. With her elbows to her knees and her face to her palms she let the gentle storm cleanse her soul and allowed herself to breakdown. The salty tears poured over the rims of her reddened eyelids, allowing her to release all of her anguish and despair.  She took too much this time and let herself reach past her breaking point. She stayed in the same spot until the lighthouse, that stood proudly at the point of the jetty rocks, beckoned the ships into port. Drained she fell into a deep slumber in the sand dusted hotel room. The next morning brought with it a sparkling new world. Her appearance mimicked the new world that the rain had transformed. She let the sunlight warm her skin and encase her in an ora of new found beauty. She never could explain how the salty air was able to heal her broken soul, she knew that it was the only way to put her broken pieces back together. 

Those Seven Days

Day 1

Fatigue had began to creep upon the entire cab full of people, but when that salt air made its way through the worn out vents of the old Ford truck, it was quickly replaced with exhilarated anticipation. Not one of them wasted a minute, barely settled in, they sprinted for the white sand. As the sun was chased away by the moon tiny white crabs came out to play. Finally the group was forced to head back to their tiny vacation shack. The sting of summer had got the best of all of them, some more than others, but nevertheless they couldn't wait to get back out into the salt-saturated water. 

Day 2

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee woke only a few. It woke them to head down to the untouched sand to retrieve the seashells spit out from the sea the night before. They started the rest of their blissful filled days in that manner, no matter how much the alcohol teased them from the night before. They would only come in from the beach to refill and replenish their bodies, but with a quick snack and a drink or two shoved in their roll-around cooler they were soon rushing back. Boogie boarding and laying out were about the only thing they did aside from breathing. None of them had a care in the world, stress and worry were masked by the salt in the air. With island inspired drinks in their sand dusted hands, they watched as the Crimson sun sank into the Atlantic, giving way to the iridescent moon. Again the rambunctious  white crabs came out to play for the second  night, and allowed themselves to be cradled in their hands and lit up by the one dollar head lamps they bought on the way down. 

Day 3

They woke surprisingly early again, for how much rum they consumed they all figured the alarms wouldn't be enough to wake them from  the anticipated stupor. There must had been something in that coffee that wouldn't let their internal clocks rest, something filled with the island spirit. This day they allowed themselves to explore the tiny island, after picking their seashells of course. They browsed the tourist infested shops, ate at some of the, "the best seafood restaurants this side of the Mississippi,", and they even took a small ferry to another island in the archipelago to watch wild horses run free. They had never seen anything like it before. There was so much raw power inside those beautiful creatures. This sight, along with many others on this trip. was something that could not be captured through a mere camera lens, it was only supposed to be taken in, in all of its glory with the gift of sight, sound, and feeling. When they arrived back at their vacationing island, they strolled along the salt-eaten wood of the peer to catch all of the nautical creatures they could, only what their small water poles would allow them to. As every other night, it was ended with laughing, drinking, gazing into the horizon as the sun faded, and the temporary capture of the tiny crabs. 

Day 4 

They knew with the heat lightening that was off in the distance the night before, that teased their plans for the next day, they were bound to have some type of unexpected weather. They were still able to start their day off the way that they had before. Rushed, they collected every seashell they could before the rain and lightening chased them back to the shelter the little shack had to offer. It was amazing to watch as the ocean transformed from a gentle wake to a powerful tidal wave of fury. She felt as if it mimicked her actions by holding everything in and then all at once it released what was inside. Back at the tiny house, they did not use the complimentary free wifi, but instead they just enjoyed one another's company. They reminisced and laughed about old times and even got a few card games in as the day faded to night. As the dark of night began to take over, the rain and lightening had decided it was time to reside for awhile and let the ocean go back to peace. They of course ran out to see what damage had been made and to hopefully get to enjoy their little crab friends. With the last glimpse of light they were able to find just what could and could not handle the oceans rage. So many different oceanic creatures were thrown to the sand, making it look as if there were litter strewn about. This did not deter the crabs though. It merely made an obstacle course for them. They went over, under, around and even through the fallen soldiers from the oceans battle, as if nothing had even happened. They all resided back to the shack for some more drinks and oceanic dreams. 

Day 5

That morning they were able to see in full light just what the ocean was capable of. There were the usual seashells plus many more, jellyfish that were unable to withstand the powerful tide, driftwood washed from other shores, but what caught their eyes were sand dollars that littered the water's edge. The closer they became the more they realized that these little creatures were in fact still alive. They quickly began to gently collect them only to release them softly back into the waves. Hoping that the little creatures would make it, they moved as fast as they possibly could, given the fact of the stupor they were all in. Finally they finished and began their accustomed rituals of the day. They had all went in on a surfboard rental that day in hopes they would be able to learn on their own. They watched a few videos, as everyone always did when they learned something new, and felt as if they were ready. Much to their dismay they of course were not. After hours of trying and failing a few began to actually get the hang of it. High tide was on the verge and she was the only one who decided to really test her new found skill. One particular wave she found out along the horizon called to her. She paddled out and waited for the precise moment to drop in. When her instincts told her to go she let the board do the work and dropped in as if it were nothing. This particular wave had actually turned into a perfectly sculpted tube for her to glide through. It was almost as if she were in a dream when she was inside that tube. She let her finger tip glide along the water, creating a tiny ripple in the powerful wave. She never wanted to reach the end, for fear she would never feel like that again. When she glided out the other side she was instantly addicted and knew she just had to do it again. The surfing went on for a little while longer,  until the sun told them to go onto the shore and wait until he came back high in the sky the folowing day. They watched as he clocked out and the moon took her shift inviting the crabs out for the fifth night of hide and seek. 

 Day 6

They began to feel the effects of what little sleep and alcohol could do to a body, so most were unable to wake up as they did every other morning before. The mother and oldest daughter were the only ones who were able to push their bodies past the alcohol induced slumber to enjoy the simplicity of gathering seashells. They talked and drank their coffee as the walked along the damp sand, stopping every few feet to retrieve a new shell. They were joined by the others long after they were laying in the sun's rays. The boogie and surfboarding seemed to be the only thing they knew how to do in the salty water besides swim. They tore themselves away from the waves to explore the sandy town again, only because they knew it was their last full day in paradise. They all purchased more trinkets in hopes they would forever be able to remember these seven days they were down here. They explored a little more of the island life, before heading back to catch just a few more swells. As they watched the sun fade for the last time on this beach they all couldn't help but feel a ping of bittersweet sadness. They played with the little white crabs just a moment longer that night and said their, "till next times,"as they slowly made it back to their house. This night though they decided to party with the locals to truly capture the island's culture. 

Day 7 

The next morning was the worst struggle for them all to roll out of the softly fluffed beds. Although the fatigue they felt was enough to make them roll back over, they pushed to see the sunrise one last time. Their checkout time was only in a few hours, dampering any thoughts of enjoying the island for a little longer. They made it down to the dew kissed sand right before the sun's light swept across. They picked just a few more seashells to add to their collection. Even though they had to leave, all of them knew a piece of themselves would forever reside here in this archipelago. They all wanted to drop everything back home to reside where they were now. Even the few that wanted to forever live in the small town they all grew up in, had a change of heart with the ocean as their breaking point. Not one of them knew when they would be able to come back, they just knew they had to. Hopefully the day would come that they all would call this way of life their own. 

Her Light

The alarm called to her, letting her know it was time to awake. She could feel the effects of the many island drinks she consumed from the night before. Quietly she rolled off the side of her bed letting her feet plant on the floor, making sure her balance still was not affected by the rum. Looking at the man she has loved for years, she smiled and slowly let herself rise from the bed. Tip toeing through the room careful not to wake him she made her way through to the kitchen and then out the door. The alcohol still teased her balance, but she hadn't a care anyway, she wanted to sit on the cool white sand to watch the sun chase the moon away. She embraced the cool salty morning air as she walked along the quiet streets. The few houses that were around her had not yet come to life. She made her way over the dew kissed sand dunes to the beach down below. She sat and pushed her tanned feet into the sand waiting for the sun's arrival. Finally it began to peak over the eastern horizon. The light began to sweep over the blue ocean causing the waves to glimmer. The sun let its light just reach her before coming up into full glory. Seashells, that washed up during the night, were now visible giving her the child-like urge to  collect them, luckily she brought a pail in anticipation of this moment. She walked just along the waters edge, watching the wet sand push out from the edges of her feet, picking up every ocean created shell that came into her path. Not to her knowing, the man that held her heart  was now sitting atop the dune watching her revel in that moment. He had seen many sides of this young woman and this side was his favorite. He noticed when they had arrived just a few days ago something had awoke in her. She had only been to the ocean one time long ago, but she talked about it with him like she lived there her whole life. She had always told him, that it hurt her not being able to be there. He had watched her go through many trials and tribulations for the duration of their relationship, but this past year was the hardest times he had watched her endure. He could never believe how well she handled all of the turmoil. He was always amazed that she was able to function normally let alone have the wonderful outlook on life that she possessed. He was truly amazed by her strength and her vitality, but more amazed by her happiness and determination for a better life. The girl he sees before him now was someone new to him. She finally let her free spirit shine through and he knew that the ocean coaxed it out of her. He was never more attracted to her than he was now, he was finally seeing her in all of her beauty inside and out. She had the strange unction that someone was there with her on the quiet beach. She began to look around only to meet eyes with him. He knew he had been caught so he made his way over to her. She met him half way and they sat down on the sand with her already pulling all of her treasures from the pail. She displayed all of her findings in front of him and began rambling. He loved to watch her light up the way she was now. He let her finish her presentation before pulling her in close to him. They sat there together watching the waves rythmically come in and out meeting with the shore. Neither of them wanted that moment to end.