Indian Summer

It's all coming to an end. The once booming little tourist town is now saying it's goodbyes to the last of the ever-faithful beach dwellers. The pier that seems to have just opened, is now wrapping up all the vendors and rickety rides leaving them as a memory. And as the bus loads of people scramble out of this one road town, I pass them on the way in. Making my way by the sandy shops, the locals are winterizing each sun-beaten board and each pane of glass.  This is the time that I enjoy the ocean the most. The time where the crimsons and peaches of the sky dance along the tops of the waves. The time where you can truly enjoy this salty town for all its worth. To some people this time of year wouldn't be as ideal as the middle of summer, but for me it's not about the tan or sunkissed hair, it's about getting to know the locals all over again. It's about having late night bonfires with the crisp coastal air making the sparks fly. A time where you can watch a hurricane with all it wonder rage through the small town. The only time where being a local and a tourist go hand in hand.  Most importantly it's about finding myself again. This is the time where I can do just that. I may not be able to surf or swim for much longer, but I'll be able to truly find and be the person that the other seasons back home seem to hide. To me there's not just four seasons, there is one we always forget. Indian summer.

Lost and Found

At one point in my life I lost myself. I lost who I was, who I thought I could be, I lost it all. I was young, twelve years old, when I finally broke. My whole life I went through hell. I told myself I was fine, I told myself everything was alright. I lied, I lied to myself and everyone around me, because it was the only way to be happy. It was the only way that things didn't effect me. The point in time when I finally realized that I just couldn't handle one more thing thrown at me, I was letting the salt air of the Atlantic incase me. I came to a place of pure serenity while strolling the sandy shore. All in one movement the ocean had lifted all burdens that weighed my shoulders and buried them deep in the sand. The island life released what I had bottled up and let the true me shine through. As the week went on I painfully reminisced on my life, but more importantly I found who I was supposed to be. I found the person I hid, the person I was afraid to let out.  I found courage and strength in the waves. I found simplicity and serenity in the salty breeze. I finally found myself along that coast and as I physically left a majority of myself was left there. Each and every day I think about the person who I became there. All at the same time I was lost and found.

I'm Meant to Be

I don't know if anyone else feels the same way as I do. I wonder if anybody else will. I've never felt a stronger connection than the one that I have for coastal life. For me it's not just a desired vacation destination. It's not just sand and sunshine for me, it's a way of life. The only way of life I want to have. Living in the center of the midwest, I'm far away from the place where I feel most at peace. And when I discuss moving to somewhere along the coast, I'm always asked the question, 'do you think that will really help?' In my very honest opinion I think that it would be the best decision I have ever made. How will it not help? It's the only place where I can feel alive and free. The only place in the world that makes my troubles disappear and my aspirations uplifted. With the sand and the sea I feel as if I can do anything and everything that God has put me on earth to do. It's truly the only place that I feel closest to God. And when I finally make it to my true home I will become who I'm truly meant to be.

Following God

We're not asked much in this life except to follow God. Through all the hardships and battles we endure, we should endure them with God. There will be times we won't understand, there will be times we won't want to understand, but we should know we follow God. There are moments in our life where we will not understand as to why God has let something come into our lives, but we need to trust him and his decisions. We may not have asked for the rocky uphill battle that had been put in our way, but we push past it with the help of God. Even now in the times where the future is starting to look darker and darker we still see the light that he has left for us. I know it's hard to keep faith when you have things crumbling down on top of you, but when all the rubble has fallen and the dust has settled God will be there to pull you from the heap to lead you to the path he has always wanted you to have.

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

Ocean Raised

My mother, what a woman. She built me a solid foundation, one only God could diminish.  She raised me in a sense that I think all mothers should. She raised me just as God raised the ocean. She has shown me how to be gentle and powerful all in the same manner. Just as God has shown the waves to be calming, yet strong bringing serenity to those who are worn and strength to those who are weak. Just as the ocean, I too feel the need to bring people to a place of peace, a place to feel safe and at home. The ocean mirrors my sense of anger and despair by unleashing it's fury all in one powerful storm. But soon the lightening ceases and the rain let's up, brining the ocean to cleanse itself ridding what it has bottled up. She has given me the ability to feel deeply about my beliefs, just as the ocean portrays things in a way to give a deeper meaning for life. Like the ocean, my mother has told me to show my true beauty through every action I take.  God has shown my mother in each and every way possible to raise me as he has raised the ocean. No one truly understands my connection to the salty waters, only the the lucky ones. I am proud to say I was and will forever be ocean raised.

My Dare.

Why is it that there are so many things wrong with life? Have you ever noticed that when you try to explain a story to someone, about a little situation that you have going on, it just doesn't consist of one problem, but many that make one gigantic problem? It always seems to feel like everywhere you turn a wall is caving in  barricading you deeper and deeper, trapping you with nowhere to escape. Yeah sure life throws you a few good days here and there, making you feel just a little bit confident that things are alright, and then all of the sudden blind-sides you and knocks you back to reality. And in those moments when your at your wits end and you're hanging on by a thread, you get the most strength. You use whatever bit of energy you have left and exert it into an extreme burst of rage. Finally you feel the need to take what's your, robbing from the rich to give to the poor. Life may be not all its cracked up to be, but in some strange way that just seems to be the thing we all need to stay in check with ourselves and snap back to reality. Now today I'm not asking for easy, I'm just demanding possible. So life I look you in the eye, take a shot of whiskey, and challenge you to a duel with one of the most stubborn people you have ever messed with. Come on I dare you.

Salt Water

There always seems to be a certain way for people to deal with their problems. I know that I have my own regimen for the hardships that life throws my way. When I'm frustrated with what the world has thrown at me I tend to run or induce myself in some other sort of strenuous exercise that let's off the steam that has built up inside. Then there is the dreaded way of dealing with my emotions and that is crying. I do not enjoy the act of crying but I know that in some way it can just make things better. I push myself each and everyday and I know how hard I am on myself. I let pain and misery well up inside until the pot boils over and the tea kettle explodes. So finally as I let down and allow the tears to overflow, things just seem to lessen. But the most important way that I deal with things is the ocean. There is just nothing like it in the whole world. I feel as if I come to a place where I'm as close to God as I can get. It is where my soul feels most at peace. The sea allows the storm to take full wrath on my body and then all at once take it away as if nothing ever happened. Island and coastal life are what feels to be the only way of life, my way of life. It will forever be the only place where I feel the mostly settled and completely alive.